How to Rescue Your Relationship Before It’s Too Late

How many times have you told yourself, “It’s not me—it’s them?" Let’s be real, that’s a lie, and deep down, you know it. You’ve gone on more bad dates than you can count, and you’re probably thinking, “Maybe I’m better off alone.” Hell, you might even believe it—convincing yourself you can solo it, that you don’t need anyone. But let’s be real. That’s not what you want. What you want is someone who gets you—someone who’ll stand by your side, even when you’re wrong. Someone who isn’t just a warm body, but a real partner, someone in the same tribe. That’s the dream, right? But here’s the hard truth: you’re swimming in a pool of people who don’t know how to have a relationship. And worse, you might be one of them. Let that sink in for a second. You’ve been fishing in the same murky waters as everyone else who doesn’t have a clue. The people without relationships are usually the ones who don’t know how to keep one. It’s time to get out of that pool, wake up, and learn the skills you need to build a relationship that’s worth your time. This isn’t about stroking your ego and feel-good advice. This is about figuring out the real mistakes that’s been holding you back, and fixing it. Because if you don’t, you’re just wasting your time—and know this to be true, time’s running out.

I'd Rather Listen

Quit Fooling Yourself: Self-Deception Is Killing Your Chances

You’ve been playing the same game over and over, expecting different results. How many times have you told yourself, “It’s not my fault,” when a relationship falls apart? Or, “I just haven’t met the right person yet.” Sure, it’s easier to believe that. But let’s face it—you’re lying to yourself. Self-deception is a killer. You keep repeating the same mistakes, not because you’re unlucky, but because you refuse to see where you are messing up. Life isn’t subtle. It smacks you in the face with the same lesson until you finally get it. Think about it—how many times have you been burned by the same problem in different relationships? It’s not them. It’s you. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll stop wasting your time on dead-end situations.

Personal Story:

I’ve been with my wife for 20 years, but early on, I used to deceive myself into believing her slights were justification for me to act like a real jerk. When we fought, I’d go full-send, thinking I was right because she wronged me. I created a lot of pain doing this. But eventually, I realized the damage I was causing with this attitude. I had to ask myself—Is this

the kind of relationship I want? I chose to become the change I wanted to see, and in time, so did my wife. Now, when we disagree, what used to take days to resolve now takes minutes. We’re in it together, and we’ve only gotten stronger by becoming more self-aware.

Admitting you’re the problem isn’t a weakness. It’s power. When you stop lying to yourself and face the truth, you gain control. You fix the real issues instead of running in circles. Otherwise, you’ll stay stuck, wondering why everything keeps falling apart. If you’re stuck in self-deception, you’re pushing people away. You’re building walls between you and the people you care about, making it impossible to connect on a deeper level. Own your part, stop fooling yourself, and start growing. It’s the only way forward.

Being Right Won't Keep You Warm at Night: Justification

Here’s the deal: everyone loves to be right. It’s like we’re wired for it. But that need to be “right” is wrecking your relationships. You’ve been front and center for this many times before—you’re in a heated argument, and just when you have resolved to not react, they hit you with that one thing. You know what I’m talking about. The comment that pushes your buttons, and suddenly, all bets are off. You’re throwing verbal haymakers, and when it’s all over, both of you feel like crap. But hey, you were “right,” right? After what they did, you had to say it. Wrong! That’s just your ego talking. Justification is when you convince yourself that being a jerk was totally okay because they “deserved” it. You spin the situation so you’re the victim, and bam—you feel justified in whatever nasty thing you said. But here’s the thing: that self-righteous attitude is exactly why you’re still single. You’ve justified blowing up at people, haven’t you? You told yourself it was their fault for pushing your buttons. Maybe you’ve even convinced yourself they deserved it. But here's the truth: justification is a selfish game, and it’s one you need to stop playing if you want something real. Remember this: you can be right, or you can be in a relationship. Choose wisely.

Stop Drinking Poison—It’s Killing You: Forgiveness

“Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Carrie Fisher

Think about that. You know who needs to hear it—the person who’s holding onto grudges, wrapping themselves up in self-deception and justification. Especially if they are living their past relationships through each one that follows. Maybe that person is you. Here’s the hard truth: forgiveness isn’t just some nice idea you hear in therapy—it’s a must if you want any shot at having a real relationship.

Most of the time, the crap people throw at you isn’t even about you. People make decisions based on what’s going on in their own heads, not yours. They’re doing the best they can with the cards they’ve been dealt, just like you are. And sometimes, they mess up. Hell, you mess up too. It’s just how life works.

Carrying around resentment is like hauling a bag of toxic waste—it weighs you down and it’s rotting you from the inside out. You might think it’s hurting the person who wronged you, but guess what? They’re fine. You’re the one poisoned. Pour it out. Let it go. Forgiveness isn’t about them—it’s about freeing yourself.

Keep the Ball on the Table: Listen and Validate

Most people suck at listening. Hearing happens without effort, but listening? That’s a choice. When someone speaks, they want to be heard. No one talks just to hear themselves. And if you’re not making an effort to listen, don’t expect your relationships to last. John Gottman, a researcher who studied couples for over 40 years, found two huge keys to success: one, you need to be able to cohabitate without losing your mind over toothpaste in the sink.

The second? It’s what he calls “bids” for connection. Imagine these bids as balls on a ping-pong table. Your partner lobs one over with a simple statement or a request for attention. If you don’t hit it back, the game gets boring real fast. Miss too many balls, and they’ll stop trying to play with you altogether. Ever been in a situation where you come home from a brutal day—one of those where nothing is easy and everything is an obstacle—and try to share, but your partner is glued to their phone? They don’t even look up? Yeah, that’s what it feels like when someone ignores your bid. The conversation dies, and so does the connection. And the longer it goes on, the more resentment builds.

You don’t have to be a relationship genius to figure this out. Gottman calls it “returning bids,” but really, it’s just validation. When your partner shares something, don’t drop the ball. Listen, and hit it back with something like, “I hear you,” or “If I understood you right, you’re saying…” That’s all it takes to show them you’re engaged and that what they say matters to you.

The longer you keep the ball in play, the longer the relationship stays alive. Drop the ball too many times, and the game’s over. And then you’re right back to looking for another player.

Fix Your Mistakes—Fast: Apologize

Let’s not sugarcoat it—if you screw up, it’s on you to fix it. No excuses, no dodging. If you think not apologizing won’t catch up to you, you’re lying to yourself. Here’s how to make an apology that matters:

Acknowledge the damage: Don’t tiptoe around it. Call it what it is. “I messed up, and I see how what I did hurt you.”
Take full responsibility: Not halfway, not “but you” excuses—just own it.
Make it right: Talk is cheap unless you’ve got a plan to back it up. “Here’s how I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Apologizing isn’t about losing. It’s about fixing the mess you made so you can move forward. No one cares about your reasons. They care that you’re ready to fix what’s broken.

Challenge

Bust Your Own Story

Here’s my challenge to you: pay attention to the story you tell yourself about how other people act. That’s where your self-deception and justification live. Be brutally honest with yourself. That’s the first step to growing your awareness. And once you expand your consciousness, bigger challenges will come your way—but you’ll be ready to handle them.

Reflect

Who Are You Becoming?

Ask yourself this: What am I becoming through my choices and behaviors? Is this the type of person capable of having what I want for myself? Success leaves clues, and so does failure. If you can’t honestly say you’re becoming the person you need to be, now’s the time to start changing that.

Quick How-To: The Keys to Better Relationships

If you’re serious about getting your relationship game together, here’s a no-BS breakdown of the skills that will set you apart:

Apologize Right

Acknowledge the damage: “I messed up, and I know it hurt you.”
Take full responsibility: No “but you” excuses—just own it.
Fix it: “Here’s how I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Forgive to Free Yourself

Drop the narrative: Stop replaying the hurt—move on.
Choose to rise: Forgive because you’re done letting that pain hold you back

Listen and Validate

Engage or shut up: If you’re not ready to really listen, don’t pretend.
Return the ball: Keep the conversation going. “I hear you, and I get it.”

Take Control or Stay Stuck

Do the work, or stay in the same relationship dead zone. It’s up to you.

These aren’t just tips—they’re tools. Use them, and watch your relationships shift from stuck to solid. Skip them, and you’ll stay in the same mess you’ve been in. None of this is easy, but it is just that simple.

If you’re ready to break the toxic cycles, rebuild trust, and create relationships that actually work—The Self-Work Blueprint is your next step. This free five-part audio series and companion guide will help you go from stuck to self-aware, so you can stop repeating the same mistakes and start building the relationships you actually want.

GET IT NOW!

Who am I, you ask?

I am a God-fearing husband, father, and divine spirit navigating the human experience. I am charged with being a good steward of my life and not taking for granted all the gifts given. My desire is to help expand the collective consciousness and develop philosophies that lead to better lives for each of us. After all, the greatest gift we can give ourselves – and all of humanity – is the development of our fullest potential and wisely using the resources available to us.

Here’s to you and your journey on becoming

the best version of yourself!